Editor’s note: We at POPSUGAR recognize that people of many genders and identities, including but not limited to women, may or may not have female sex organs such as uteruses or vaginas. This particular story includes language that generally refers to people with female sex organs as women.
Thanks to media portrayals of the female orgasm, there seems to be a false reality that all women can orgasm easily and consistently from penetrative sex. But in reality, this is hardly the case – and celebrity Rachel Bilson recently opened up about the struggle.
On an episode of her podcast “Broad Ideas,” the “Hart of Dixie” actor shared that she didn’t experience an orgasm during partnered sex until she was 38 years old. Bilson’s guest, comedian Whitney Cummings, also mentioned that she, too, had not experienced an orgasm during sex until she was 40.
Though they both said they were able to reach an orgasm on their own, Bilson added she had a hard time finding her orgasm “with a dick inside.”
“Isn’t that crazy?” she said to Cummings. But really, this isn’t “crazy” at all. Although some people may find this NSFW detail to be surprising, not having an orgasm during sex is actually pretty common for many women. In a study published by the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, it was revealed that only 18 percent of women can orgasm from penetration alone.
Of course, there are many things you can do to increase your chances of reaching an orgasm during partnered sex, like applying a sex toy or vibrator to your clitoris. But really, you should take the pressure off yourself entirely to have an orgasm. Women get enough of that stress, especially with shows like “Bridgerton” and “Sex/Life” making us believe it’s normal to come in less than 10 seconds. (It’s not.) What you want to remember is that there is value in sex and experiencing sexual pleasure even if it doesn’t end in an orgasm.
Fortunately, Bilson and Cummings opening up about their experience can hopefully shed some light on the elusive female orgasm, while also validating other people navigating the same orgasm-less struggles. But let me be the one to reiterate that so long as the pleasure you’re experiencing feels good and satisfying, you don’t have to be orgasming every time you have sex. And if you want to be, there are steps you can take in order to achieve that. (This helpful guide offers tips on how to have an orgasm through vaginal sex.)
The bottom line here is you’re not broken and there’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t orgasm. Even if you aren’t having Daphne Bridgerton-esque orgasms at the end of all of your sexual experiences, your pleasure and experiences are still valid – and that’s what matters.