GETTING into a lift with a stranger is one of life’s most socially awkward situations.
Are you supposed to make eye contact? Give a small nod? Or launch into polite small talk for potentially just a few seconds?
GettyA psychologist and behavioural scientist have revealed why we feel awkward in lifts[/caption]
Whatever you do, or don’t do, it can be pretty tense.
Some may say it’s the lack of space which triggers our inherent discomfort, while others blame the painful silence.
Perhaps it’s both – or the fact we have no idea how other passengers may react.
Well, psychologist Dr Becky Spelman and behavioural scientist Araminta Naylor, working with Sheridan Lifts, have shared why they think we behave so strangely in the common toe-curling scenario.
Severe lack of space
First and foremost, embarrassment can come from feeling trapped or even claustrophobic in a tiny, window-less space.
Naylor, from Influence at Work, said: “Lifts are far from your average environment; they’re small, confined, often without visibility of where you’re going, or any form of control other than selecting your floor.”
Dr Spelman, founder of the Private Therapy Clinic in London, added: “The confined space and lack of ability to escape in a lift can make people feel trapped or claustrophobic.
“Lifts often involve close proximity with strangers and the fear of invading anyone else’s personal space might mean people are reluctant to engage with others.”
No rulebook
Another very simple factor is that there is no defined set of rules.
On buses, people will actively avoid sitting next to a stranger if there are other free double seats available, while on trains it’s generally accepted that you don’t knock knees with the person sitting opposite if the seat next to you is available.
In elevators, there is no such norm.
Naylor said: “As with most abnormal environments, there are no set ‘rules’ for being in a lift.
“This leaves us feeling uncertain about how we should act.”
Deafening silence
Next, there is of course the weird silence you get in lifts, only interrupted by the ‘ping’ as they stop at each level.
Dr Spelman said: “The silence when two strangers are standing together can certainly contribute to the awkwardness.”
It’s not uncommon to see people fidgeting on their phones – despite there usually being no signal in lifts – just to ease the torturous hush.
Odd groups
Group settings, particularly those when strangers are thrown together, can make people act oddly anyway.
But chuck them all into a lift and it makes things so much worse, according to Dr Spelman.
Worse still is when there are just two people travelling up or down together, she said.
“The discomfort of initiating conversation in a lift may be heightened when it involves only two strangers,” the expert added.
“In a group setting, the presence of others may diffuse the pressure and make it feel less awkward.”
Naylor agreed, adding that we feed off each other – so how others act impacts our own behaviour.
“What do we do when we’re uncertain?,” she asked. “We look to others’ behaviour to guide our own.”
Psychologist Dr Robert Cialdini calls this “social proof” – simply that people do what they see other people do.
“If I get in a lift with four people who are standing in silence, eyes to the floor, I feel comfortable stepping in and doing the same because everyone else is doing it,” Naylor said.
“But what about when you’re in a lift and one other person steps in? This is when the awkward turtle can raise its head.
“With no crowd to follow, you can wait and see what that other person does and follow their lead, or indicate your preference by either bowing your head and avoiding eye contact or initiating small talk.
“Often, neither person does anything.”
Society
Unsurprisingly, social norms play a part in our edginess.
Dr Spelman said: “The social norms and expectations in the West often discourage casual conversation with strangers, leading to an awkward silence in lifts.
“Society may have conditioned people to be cautious about engaging with people we don’t know – which could be influenced by cultural norms, perceptions, and stereotypes.”
Mood and mindset
Brits’ moods can certainly influence their comfort level in confined spaces with strangers, Naylor added.
“If someone is in a negative or introverted state of mind, they may want to avoid potential social interactions,” she said.
“Our busy lifestyles and long commutes can contribute to a lack of energy or desire for small talk with strangers.”
Delving deeper into where the fears come from a psychological perspective, Dr Spelman added: “Feeling awkward in social situations like this can also be influenced by various psychological processes which include social anxiety, fear of judgement, concerns about making a good impression, or a lack of confidence in initiating conversations.”
Fear of small talk
A paralysing fear of small talk or merely not knowing what to say is another major contributor, the experts said.
According to Naylor, the absence of conversation can intensify self-consciousness and create a perceived pressure to break the silence.
“Small talk can be uncomfortable as it may feel superficial or forced, and people may worry about saying the wrong thing or not know what to talk about,” she said.
But there’s even more to it, Dr Spelman said.
“The fear of initiating a conversation with someone in your building (at work or home) is understandable because it may create an expectation of daily engagement, which could lead to potential social obligations that some may not desire,” she explained.
“Fear of engaging with others on a regular basis could also contribute to this avoidance.”
Social cues
If you feel at all uncertain, it’s easy to act upon outside cues, the psychologist said.
This could be the time of day, body language or someone’s apparent busyness, Dr Spelman said.
“These things can indicate whether a person is open to conversation or not,” she added.
“Pay attention to non-verbal cues like open body language, eye contact, or a friendly smile, which may indicate a willingness to talk.”
Simply CBA
But when it comes down to it, are we awkward because we simply can’t be a****?
Lift conversations are likely to be very brief, so many people may feel there’s really no point initiating one, Naylor said.
She added: “The time spent in a lift is so short that, even if you’ve started a conversation, you’ll often have to leave the lift halfway through.”
This is related to the Zeigarnik effect, named after the psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik.
It suggests that people remember interrupted tasks better than those they complete.
But it can be applied to lift chats, according to Naylor.
“We hate to leave things unfinished, and when we do, it tends to linger in our minds,” she said.
“So not only is there the awkward moment when the door pings and you rush to finish a sentence, stumble backwards, and give a panicked wave goodbye, you also remember the look on that stranger’s face too.
“That’s enough to put anyone off lift conversations.”