COLD days, dark nights and a seasonal dose of festive FOMO – winter can be a lonely time.
In fact, levels of loneliness in Great Britain have been slowly increasing since spring 2020. Between April and May 2020, five per cent of people (about 2.6 million adults) said they felt lonely “often” or “always”.
GettyChristmas can be a particularly difficult time if you’re feeling lonely[/caption]
Hardly surprising as we were in the grip of a global pandemic that rendered us house-bound at the time.
But, from October 2020 to February 2021, results from the Opinions and Lifestyle Survey (OPN) show that proportion increased to 7.2 per cent of the adult population (about 3.7 million adults).
And Christmas often brings up feelings of loneliness.
Not only is loneliness a mental health concern, according to a new study in the journal Aging-US, researchers at Deep Longevity, Stanford University, and The Chinese University of Hong Kong found that it can also affect us physiologically.
They said: “We demonstrate that psychological factors, such as feeling unhappy or being lonely, add up to 1.65 years to one’s biological age,” – which has the same impact on our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
One expert that has noticed the shift is Dr Meg Arroll, chartered psychologist working with wellbeing brand Healthspan (healthspan.co.uk).
She said: “I’ve definitely seen an increase in loneliness, feelings of isolation and low mood in my practice in the last few years.
“We are now in the second wave of mental health difficulties following the pandemic, which has been exacerbated by the sense that we are in a permacrisis (new crises seemingly occurring without pause).
“People are often presenting with emotional blunting, which is a symptom of depression – a common description is ‘feeling numb’ which can lead to expressions of guilt and shame that maintain social isolation.”
DOOM AND GLOOM
This isn’t new though. Arroll said: “There were signs of this trend before 2019.
“The speed at which technology has developed has been wonderful for humans in regards to advances in health care and standards of living, but there have been negative consequences.
“We are less connected to our local communities as we live in a virtual-global world, yet we know from many decades of research how important interacting physically with members of our communities is to both physical and mental health.”
It’s ironic to be as well-connected as ever, yet lonelier than before.
A study by Elon University found nearly half of survey respondents (46 per cent) communicate more frequently with friends and family via technology than in person, indicating strongly that face-to-face interactions have decreased both in quality and in quantity.
There’s no denying the helpful advantages technology poses for long-distance relationships, but Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, first highlighted the importance of face-to-face conversation.
He found that communication is: 55 per cent non-verbal (body language), 38 per cent vocal, and seven per cent words only.
So if you’re not in the same room, you could be missing out on a lot.
LONELINESS VS SOLITUDE
We all have down days sometimes when the house feels empty, and at others, crave some alone-time to recharge after a particularly social spell.
But, there’s a significant difference between being lonely and feeling alone.
“You can be on your own and not feel lonely, and similarly you can be in a crowded room and feel utterly isolated,” Arroll says.
“What differentiates loneliness from solitude is connection – we know that the ability to be alone with our own thoughts and feelings is healthy, as we are essentially connecting with our inner world.
“Feeling a profound sense of loneliness and despair over a lengthy period of time is what’s associated with poor health outcomes.”
Arroll suggests looking out for signs of loneliness, rather than solitude, such as:
– Feeling that the majority of your human relationships are superficial and that no one knows or understands you fundamentally.
– Feeling isolated regardless of surrounding or social environment – whether this is with people you have known a long time or new acquaintances, a bustling party or a one-to-one.
– Never feeling good enough, no matter how well you do objectively.
– Difficulty in engaging with others, thus weakening your social skills and making it more difficult to connect with people in the future.
BEAT THE CLOCK
But how can an emotion physically age us? Is it like stress turning us grey?
Scientists have found that unhappiness in particular shortens telomeres – the little ‘caps’ on the ends of chromosomes, which get smaller every time a cell divides.
Shortened telomeres contribute to ageing.
“Psychological distress has a very negative impact on the ‘wear and tear’ of a person’s body,” says clinical psychologist Dr Tony Ortega (drtonyortega.com).
This can result in accelerated biological ageing on a molecular level.
“We are beginning to understand that depression, and by extension, loneliness, is an inflammatory disease,” Arroll says.
“Studies are now demonstrating that people with depression have higher levels of inflammation in their bodies which could also be said for loneliness, and lead to unhealthy behaviours as a coping mechanism such as misusing substances, neglecting self-care including healthy eating and physical activity.”
GETTING OUT THERE
Suddenly blossoming into a social butterfly by joining clubs, making friends and forging connections may seem like an unrealistic solution, but Ortega believes a gung-ho approach is what’s needed.
“Loneliness is a state of mind,” he says. “It’s primarily a sense of disconnection from others and sometimes of the self.
“I often encourage clients to take a look at how they are connecting with others and what I have found at times has been very timid approaches to connecting.
“While I understand this – as fears of intimacy and vulnerability often paralyses one into a state of inaction towards connecting with others – but exploring fears of connecting with others in a professional setting may decrease this sense of loneliness while pushing for more assertive action.”
While alone time is important to recharge and regroup, don’t let it be your default setting.
How To Feel Less Lonely
Dr Meg Arroll outlines her six top tips to combat isolation this winter:
1. Manage self-talk to improve self-esteem
Take some time to notice your internal narrative, then replace it with a kinder, more compassionate narrator.
2. Exercise your social muscles
Start small such as getting a coffee from the same place every day and chatting to the vendor and build up to more significant interactions.
3. Get reading
Start by exploring others’ narratives in both fiction and non-fiction books as we relate intensely to our favourite protagonists, which helps us to feel less lonely.
You could even venture into a book club.
4. Help others
This can be something as easy as a small act of kindness, or more significant like volunteering at a local community centre.
We need people but we also need to be needed.
5. Move your body
Outdoors if possible, to get a vitamin D boost. Research shows that just ten minutes of physical movement is enough to improve our mood and buffer against depressive symptoms.
6. Talk to a professional
If loneliness is leading to feeling like you can’t cope with activities of daily living or if you have any form of suicidal ideation.