MESSAGES about great sex and mindblowing orgasms are everywhere: from our TV screens to books to Instagram.
But rarely do they explain – or show – how to make sex feel good.
Everything you need to know about having a good orgasm
Indeed, countless films, TV shows, porn and plays portray women reaching orgasm from intercourse alone.
When in truth, up to 80 per cent of women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex, and nine have never had an orgasm during heterosexual intercourse at all.
If this sounds all too familiar, fear not.
Here, two health and sex experts explain everything you need to know about having a good orgasm.
1. Focus on touch
Perhaps it’s time to rethink what part of the sexual act is most important.
Instead of intercourse being the main course, why not place more importance on the starter? Foreplay.
And this doesn’t just include sexy stuff; it can also mean cuddling, says Aysha Bell, a tantric sex expert.
“By increasing the duration of intimacy and foreplay, both parties develop feelings of trust.
“Trust is especially important when it comes to being open and honest about what each party wants in the bedroom,” she explains.
Cuddling also increases the production of oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’.
And as it turns out, oxytocin might be key to getting better orgasms.
A German study, published in the journal Hormones and Behavior, found that couples who received oxytocin in a nasal spray had more intense orgasms than couples who took a placebo.
Since you probably don’t have oxytocin nasal spray to hand, some good old-fashioned cuddling can give you the same jolt of fuzzy hormone.
“So slow it down, put in the time to touch, caress, tease and stimulate your partner before intercourse; it will pay off!” Aysha says.
2. ‘Horny’ snacks
When you think of ‘horny’ snacks, typical aphrodisiacs like oysters and strawberries probably spring to mind.
But foods high in omega-3, like fish, are what you need to eat to boost your orgasm potential.
“Omega-3 fatty acids help to increase dopamine – the same hormone that is released when an orgasm is experienced,” Aysha explains.
In one 2005 study scientists found omega-3 can help improve blood flow to the pelvic organs, making sex feel better.
Foods high in omega-3 include fish, nuts, seeds and plant oils, the NHS says on its website.
“There are not the most romantic of snacks – but worth adding into your diet if you are seriously looking to heighten pleasure,” the expert adds.
3. Sex-ercise
The pelvic floor muscle, which supports our organs from the bladder to the anus, can also have a big impact on our sex lives.
The stronger your pelvic floor, the better your sex life will be, experts say.
Physiotherapist Amanda Savage said: “Vaginal sensation is felt with pressure and deep touch more than light sensations.
“Sexual pleasure comes from the movement and build-up of friction against the vaginal walls.
“The vaginal walls are layered with the pelvic floor muscles.
“Pelvic floor muscle exercises tone and strengthen these muscles, improving blood supply and nerve activity, all leading to greater pleasure.
“Many women report they can reach orgasm more easily and that their orgasms are more powerful after focusing on pelvic floor muscle exercises.”
To strengthen your pelvic floor, the NHS recommends squeezing the muscles up to ten times while standing, sitting or lying down to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
You can feel your pelvic floor muscles if you try to imagine stopping yourself from peeing and farting.
Do not hold your breath or tighten your stomach, bottom or thigh muscles simultaneously.
When you get used to pelvic floor exercises, try holding each squeeze for one second.
Eventually, you can try a set of 10 fast squeezes, followed by a set where you hold each squeeze.
4. Breathing techniques
Being in the throes of sex can do funny things to your body and brain; all logic seems to dissipate, and your body is left in overdrive.
With all this sensory overload can come the sudden urge to hold our breath.
Do your best to withstand the temptation and, instead, breathe lots, Aysha says.
When you hold your breath, it reduces your muscles’ flow of oxygen, making you more tired faster, she explains.
“Instead, take shallow, rapid breaths right up to and during your climax,” she adds.
“Quick breaths reduce blood levels of carbon dioxide, possibly making vaginal contractions and orgasms more intense.”