IF sex seems to be over in a matter of minutes, then it’s time to put some practices in place to help make sex great again.
After all, a thriving sex life doesn’t just help to maintain a strong relationship, but it also has multiple health benefits, particularly when you orgasm.
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Sex can become brief for various reasons – you’re both too tired to keep it going, there’s a mismatch in sex drives or perhaps you just want it over with because it’s the ‘same old’.
So how can the five-minute fumble become more of an endurance challenge?
Hope Flynn, founder of women’s collective FeedmeFemale and head of content at STI testing kit iPlaySafe, shares her tips to ensure that sex becomes more of a marathon and less of a sprint.
Whether you want to prolong orgasm or just need to add more excitement to sex, then these simple tips could make all the difference.
1. Practice edging
If you find yourself reaching climax too quickly, Hope recommends edging.
“All you have to do is stop stimulation before you feel like you are going to climax – essentially you keep stopping and starting to ensure you are having sex for longer,” explains Hope.
You can also practise this while masturbating to get used to the self-control.
2. Take mini breaks
There’s no rule that says you can’t pause sexual intercourse and go back to after a few minutes.
In fact, it could just help to make sex last longer whilst also heightening the sexual tension for a more mind-blowing orgasm.
Hope says: “You can have little breaks in between intercourse to kiss, cuddle and rub each other.
“This calms down the excitement for a bit allowing you to still be intimate with each other whilst prolonging sex.”
3. Longer foreplay
A quickie has its time and place but if it’s become commonplace in your bed, it’s time to relish in foreplay once more.
Ensuring you choose to have sex at a time when neither you nor your partner are rushed, means that there is more time for foreplay.
Hope says: “Foreplay should be an essential part of sex so why not put your hands and mouths to the test by pleasuring your partner prior to intercourse.
“Get the juices and blood flowing to all the right areas to get you both super excited for the main event.”
Introducing toys can also be a fun way to bring a fresh twist on foreplay.
4. Desensitiser creams and gels
Gels and creams can reduce the sensations you feel during sex. If you feel less, it delays the time to climax.
However, Hope says that when using them it will also impact your partner’s sensitivity so keep this in mind.
“When you feel ready to finish you may want to wipe off the cream or gel to help your final climax,” adds Hope.
5. Erotic massage
Boost arousal with a massage.
Hope explains that ‘being sensual and intimate with your partner is key’ to keeping things alive.
She says: “Adding massage with oils to your sex process can be a great way to explore each other’s bodies and create a deeper connection.”
6. Sexy talk
It’s not for everyone but talking dirty can help to build tension and arousal before the main event.
If you don’t feel overly confident speaking dirty, then Hope says there is an easier way; simply expressing what you’d like to do.
“You can get in the mood by telling your partner all the things you are going to do to them and what you want them to do to you.
“Communicating about your sexual desires not only enhances arousal but builds comfort and trust between you both.”
7. Masturbate before sex
For men, masturbating shortly before intercourse will help to delay ejaculation during sexual intercourse, says Hope.
The NHS recommends one to two hours before sex for men with premature ejaculation.
Don’t want to masturbate?
“You can practise penis-root massage where you rub near the base of your penis, up and down and/or in circular motion as stimulating the root of the penis prior can help you to last longer during intercourse,” explains Hope.
Working with different sex drives
If you’re keen to get frisky between the sheets every night, but your partner would rather hit the pillow and sleep, then it can be tricky to find the middle ground.
But, a conversation is key here.
If you notice differences in your sex drives you could start by expressing your feelings
Hope
Hope says: “When initiating a conversation around a difference in your sex drives it is important to approach your partner with empathy and openness.
“Talking about sex can make some people feel awkward and uncomfortable, so if you notice differences in your sex drives you could start by expressing your feelings before trying to get your partner to open up.
“Emphasise the importance of open communication.
“For instance, say, ‘I’ve noticed our sex drives differ. Let’s talk openly about it. I value our connection and understanding each other is crucial. Can we discuss how to navigate this together?’”
Your partner may have a reason for their low sex drive, or a conversation may unearth other problems.
Whatever it is, acknowledging the issue can help you move forward and please both parties.
Tacking tiredness
Whether you’ve been working, or busy with the kids, it can be hard to find the energy to have sex when all you want to do is sleep.
There are a few things you can do to tackle the tiredness.
Hope says: “Try scheduling sex for when you both know you will have more energy, like when you have a more relaxed day at work or time to chill out on the weekend.”
Although it might feel a little formal, making time in your diary ensures you are not forcing it, which can cause resentment.
Naturally, to prevent tiredness, it’s also important to get enough rest generally to help improve your overall energy.
“Prioritising self-care can make a massive difference,” says Hope.
The best positions to prolong sex
1. Spooning
Not just for bedtime, spooning is also a great sex move. For this, the male plays the big spoon.
According to Hope, this means that they can focus on being close rather than thirsting – which tends to make climax occur more quickly.
“Spooning is one of the best positions to help you last longer as penetration isn’t too deep and prevents you from getting overstimulated,” adds Hope.
2. Cowgirl
To practise the cowgirl, it’s the woman who straddles her partner, which Hope explains, gives the woman more control of the pace and rhythm.
“This means she has control of stopping any impulsive moments which could lead to any early ejaculation.
“This position is perfect for allowing more time to enjoy having sex before climax.”
3. The 69
Extend foreplay with simultaneous oral, keeping both parties happy.
Hope says: “This position allows you both to focus on oral stimulation and pleasure.
“In this position, you are making your partner the focus rather than focusing solely on your own pleasure.”