THE dastardly duo to blame are former Sheffield Wednesday manager Darren ‘Big Dave’ Moore and the ex-England women’s international Izzy Christiansen.
On the touchline of a deserted Eco-Power Stadium, the home of Doncaster Rovers, these absolute rascals conducted the draw for the third round of the Carabao Cup last month — and they paired Chelsea with Brighton and Hove Albion.
Moises Caicedo cost Chelsea £115m from Brighton but his old club are still doing better than Mauricio Pochettino’s big spendersRex
GettyPochettino’s strugglers will take on Roberto De Zerbi’s Brighton in the Carabao Cup at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night[/caption]
In doing so, they applied a bloody great sack of Saxa to Chelsea’s open wounds.
Wednesday night at Stamford Bridge, the Blues will welcome the club who are everything they are not — intelligent, well-run, profitable, successful, attractive and sickeningly in love with life.
The season is only six matches old and Brighton are already ten points clear of Todd Boehly’s billionaire boys club.
And Brighton are the club Chelsea have pillaged to the tune of almost a quarter of a billion pounds since Boehly and his Clearlake crew took over at the Bridge.
Since last summer, they have swooped to take Marc Cucurella, Moises Caicedo, Robert Sanchez, Graham Potter and his entire backroom staff, as well as recruitment chief Paul Winstanley, from the Seagulls.
Yet somehow Brighton are even better and Chelsea are much, much worse.
Now, all the people I know at Brighton seem like thoroughly good eggs but unless they are AI robots devoid of any natural human impulse, then they must surely take time out once a week to sit down in a meeting room and laugh at Chelsea.
I mean, you just would.
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Wednesday’s cup tie is a meeting of two clubs who simply defy logic.
If modern football is all about money — and it largely is — then it should be impossible for a club as wealthy as Chelsea to be this bad and for a club as modest as Brighton to be this good.
Two years ago, Chelsea were champions of Europe… now they are no longer even playing in Europe and can’t beat anybody of note.
Last October, Potter — unbeaten in eight games as Chelsea boss — returned to the Amex Stadium and suffered a 4-1 hammering.
Starting that day, Chelsea are now on a run of just 28 points from 33 Premier League matches — beating only Bournemouth (twice), Crystal Palace, Leeds, Leicester and Luton.
This is sustained relegation form — and if the newly promoted trio of Luton, Sheffield United and Burnley did not look so weak, Boehly would have genuine reason to fear relegation.
We’ve already pointed out here the sheer folly of Chelsea spending such an extraordinary amount on such a callow bunch of players.
But during Sunday’s 1-0 home defeat by Aston Villa, striker Nicolas Jackson gave us the perfect example of his club’s rank stupidity.
Jackson was booked for the fifth time in six Premier League matches and every single yellow card has been for dissent.
Perhaps Roberto De Zerbi will show compassion and send out a reserve team, given that — unlike Pochettino — he must juggle the extra demands of European football.
That means he is going to miss Monday’s trip to Fulham, the little club down the road who took them for four points last season and also finished above them.
During his successful spell at Tottenham, Mauricio Pochettino was renowned for his work in developing young players and also for being no taker of s***.
Unless the Argentinian manager has gone soft, he must be utterly livid with Jackson and he must be wondering what on Earth he has signed up for.
Meanwhile, Brighton were chalking up a fifth win in six league matches against Bournemouth, courtesy of Kaoru Mitoma, who was signed for roughly two per cent of the fee Chelsea forked out for Caicedo.
Perhaps Roberto De Zerbi will show compassion and send out a reserve team at the Bridge, given that — unlike Pochettino — he must juggle the extra demands of European football.
But if he names a strong line-up, then Chelsea beating Brighton at home will constitute a genuine cup upset.
Which is a staggering, and really rather beautiful state of affairs.
ED SHAKER
IF VAR officials couldn’t spot that Arsenal striker Eddie Nketiah’s horrific late lunge on Spurs keeper Guglielmo Vicario was a clear and obvious straight red, then — for the umpteenth time — what the hell is VAR actually for?
GettyEddie Nketiah’s lunge on Guglielmo Vicario should have meant an obvious dismissal for the Arsenal striker, especially after video replays[/caption]
SQUEAKY TOM TIME
IF Brentford were northern they would have been long recognised as what they are — a bigger, uglier, even better version of Sean Dyche’s Burnley or Tony Pulis’ Stoke.
Yet on Saturday, Dyche’s Everton gave Thomas Frank and Co a proper Dycheing.
The Bees have sold their excellent goalkeeper, David Raya, suffered a lengthy suspension to their goal machine, Ivan Toney, and lost their left-back, Rico Henry, to a horrible season-ending injury.
Brentford are a brilliantly run small club but there is only so much misfortune any small club can take in the Premier League before things start getting seriously squeaky.
RETRO FIT
AS a tragic lover of retro football kits, it was heartening to see Nottingham Forest turn up at the Etihad in an all-red adidas outfit, so similar to that in which they won two European Cups in 1979 and 1980.
And, at least until next May, Forest still have more European Cups than Manchester City.
Now read Dave Kidd’s view on “feel-good story” Jonny Evans…