Australian singer Anthony Callea has offered a rare and candid insight into the highs and lows of fame in his upcoming memoir, Behind The Voice.
The former Australian Idol contestant first appeared on television screens in 2004 on the reality singing show, finishing as a runner-up to winner Casey Donovan.
Now, 19 years on from his meteoric rise, Callea has detailed some of the toughest moments throughout his music career – including his secret mental health battle.
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Fresh from his stint on Idol in his early 20s, Callea admitted it wasn’t an easy ride dealing with instant fame and the heavy weight of a recording contract.
In his memoir, the Rain singer, 40, said he would spend countless nights alone feeling anxious and depressed.
“Some nights I used to just sit in a hotel room by myself and weep, even while telling myself, ‘You should be really happy that you’re doing this’,” Callea wrote.
“I’ve lost count of the number of times I cried myself to sleep from sheer stress and loneliness. Mum would call and ask, ‘Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?’. I didn’t know what to tell her.”
Callea said he wishes he enjoyed those early years more. He described it as “non-stop”, constantly doing TV promotions, travelling or radio interviews.
Despite this, the hitmaker said he’d “never felt so lonely”.
“I felt trapped,” he wrote. “If I went for a walk, there was a good chance I was going to get papped on the street.
“I wanted to be anywhere else. It’s a very strange kind of loneliness.”
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Elsewhere in his memoir, Callea emotionally recounted coming out to his parents at the same time he auditioned for Idol.
He wrote a six-page letter, left it for them at home and went to audition for the reality singing competition in Melbourne.
“I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror and say, ‘I’m gay’. The shame and embarrassment were too much and I hated myself,” he wrote.
“All that worry because I was embarrassed to face them. When you come out to your parents, no matter how loving and supportive they have been all of your life, you just don’t know how they will react.”
Callea revealed his parents accepted him for his sexuality and gave him nothing but support and love.
He said it still gives him “goosebumps” to relive that feeling of acceptance and relief.
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In a statement celebrating the release of his book, Callea revealed the decision to share his raw, intimate story wasn’t exactly easy.
“I’m not going to lie, sharing my story like this is really confronting for me, and there have been times during the writing process where I have questioned myself,” he said.
“I feel so vulnerable and privileged at the same time. At times, unlocking the emotional vault from the past to write this memoir has been a painful process, but a necessary one.”
Callea’s memoir Behind The Voice will be released Wednesday, April 5 and is available at all good bookstores.
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