DEAR DEIDRE: MY best mate installed a kitchen for us . . . and slept with my wife. I’m gutted.
We have been friends since we met at technical college. He was learning to be a builder and I was training to be an electrician.
We are now 47. He was the best man at my wedding.
My wife and I have two girls, aged 17 and 14, and I am godfather to his eldest boy.
We used to see him and his wife as a foursome but she cheated on him and they are getting divorced.
I’ve always been there for him — and this is how he thanks me, by sleeping with my wife.
My wife is 43 and had been harping on about a new open-plan kitchen/diner.
I saved through the pandemic and I asked my mate to do the work.
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It seemed to take so long though. I’d get in from work to find he had installed a tap or put on a cupboard door but that was all he would have to show for a day’s work.
One day I came home early, went upstairs to change and heard noises coming from our bedroom. My mate was on top of my wife.
I ran downstairs feeling sick to my stomach.
How could I have been such a fool?
I had no idea how long it had been going on but I’m sure that was the reason for him getting the kitchen done so slowly.
My wife is full of remorse. She says he paid her attention at a time when she felt I had been distracted.
She’s not wrong. My mother has been ill so I’ve been worried.
I’ve moved in with Mum for now, to help her and clear my head. I’m not sure if I can move on from this.
My wife is pleading with me to go home before Christmas but how can I trust her?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Deidre says: It’s going to take a while but you owe it to your children to try.
Cheating on you with your best friend has dealt that double blow.
If your wife had a point about you being distracted – and she wasn’t deflecting the attention away from herself – she should have said something.
It’s easy in a marriage to feel taken for granted but you can’t jump to somebody else when there’s a bump in the road.
Insist on counselling to see where you go from here. Tavistock Relationships offers an online therapy service (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
My support pack on cheating will help you too.