It’s almost here. The day all Swifites have been waiting for the past two months is almost upon us.
It’s nearly time to treat our ears to Taylor Swift‘s newest album, The Tortured Poets Department.
Fans have been going crazy speculating over what we can expect from the album.
What sound is it going to have? What are the collaborations going to be like? And, of course, is Joe Alwyn going to make it out alive?
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While theories have been running rampant on the internet with Swifties trying to guess exactly what each track is going to be about, there is one thing we know for almost certain.
We’re not going to be getting any love songs about Travis Kelce.
In case you’ve been living under a rock since September, Swift is dating the Kansas City Chiefs’ star tight end.
Swifties are going wild for the new relationship, with many saying this is the happiest the Cruel Summer singer has seemed in a long time.
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And as much as we would adore some mushy love songs from our favourite pop princess, it’s probably not happening on this album.
When Swift announced The Tortured Poets Department at the Grammys in February, she mentioned she’s been keeping it a secret for two years.
Swift and Kelce only met around August of last year, so unless Blondie quickly smashed a hit out, it’s highly unlikely we’ll be hearing anything on this new album about how in love she is with her new beau.
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Instead, we’re probably going to be leaving our album listening sessions in tears.
Fans are speculating the majority of the album will be about Swift’s ex-boyfriend, Joe Alwyn.
The pair were together for six years, before announcing what we thought was an amicable split in early 2023.
We’ve since come to learn that maybe the breakup wasn’t as smooth as originally thought.
Swift has said very little of her past relationship, but the track list and name of her latest album tell us all we need to know.
Many of the songs listed on the new album seem to allude to a less than friendly breakup from her British beau.
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Perhaps the biggest Easter egg of all could be the album title, seeing as Alwyn was famously in a group chat with actor Paul Mescal called the Tortured Men’s Club, after they both played characters in adaptations of Sally Rooney novels.
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With less than two weeks to go, it’s time to come to terms with what this new album is going to be.
As sad as it makes us to say, the likelihood of a Kelce love song is incredibly low. But, we can rest easy knowing that Blondie is about to spill all the tea on her breakup from Alwyn.
We’re counting down the days.
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